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Today's contents:

And you think YOUR job is shitty
"The news no one wanted to hear"
How do you know when your music tour isn't going well?

A new cause to rally against

And you think YOUR job is shitty. Imagine that you had to drive around Arkansas. No, wait, that is pretty bad, but not bad enough. Now imagine that not only do you have to drive around Arkansas, but you have to do it in a 40-foot-long colon. That's right, the slimy bit that connects your "squiglies" to your "exit port" (in the case on MOST people). I can just imagine the conversations that are likely to pop up. I wonder where the door is? Is it round? Here's another deviant thought - where do you put gas in it? I'd like a picture of this thing at a gas station. At least the Wienermobile is a cool vehicle, and dispenses food. Let me clarify - food that hasn't already been eaten.

The news no one wanted to hear. They have arrested Scott Peterson in the deaths of Laci Peterson (the former Mrs. Scott Peterson) and her unborn son. Now, murder is bad enough, violence towards women is terrible, but murdering a pregnant woman is just plain evil. I don't care if they claim he is Narcissistic. I want him to never walk this Earth again. I can't, as a father, imagine even letting something harmful happen to Baby Spooge or Mrs. Spoogeworld, much less causing their death. There is something about people like that who are just not wired right in the head. I don't know if there is a cure, but we need to put people like that away from the rest of us. I know there are some people who are against the death penalty, but you have to agree that some people are beyond a cure. If you don't agree, I only need to mention the name Charles Manson. Even in his late 60's, he's still tearing the pay phone off the wall when he gets upset. He carved a swastika into his forehead. Do you think he's ready to walk the streets? How about date your daughter? The only thing worse than these predators is paying for their upkeep and maintenance each year. We shouldn't be giving them room and board. We should be laying them to rest under the jail.

How do you know when your music tour isn't going well? The first clue is that opening night is at the prestigous "Konocti Harbor Resort & Spa". The next clue is that they have to tell people who you are related to as a promotion to go see you, since obviously no one has bought your album, and no radio station is desperate enough to play it. Of course, Tiny Tim made more than one album, and other illustrious personas have also dabbled in audio, namely William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy. I personally value my ears too highly. You've been warned, it's up to you now.

A new cause to rally against. So, you tried to protest the war, and that went over like a load of goose turds. You were against Bush, but he got elected anyway (in spite of attempts to change the rules after the election). You were a protest specialist in the 60's, but Vietnam is a long gone memory for you. You're running out of things to protest. You need a mission. Something to rally against. Well, here's one for you. TicketMaster ™ is the largest ticket broker in the county, and they control about 90% of all ticket sales in this country. They have a larger market share than Microsoft. Oh yeah, did I mention that a co-founder of Microsoft owns it? How does that make you feel? Are you pissed off yet? They often add charges that can be as high as 47% of the ticket price to the cost of your transaction. Is your blood boiling yet? They charge you a "convenience charge" to the priviledge of going to their place of business, paying in cash, (some places accept credit cards, but then they hit you with another outrageous charge for that) and getting whatever seat they feel like releasing to you (all of the "good" seats are given away to politicians, radio/TV stations, promoters, and big businesses long before they go on sale). They don't offer refunds if you're unhappy, they have the second longest hold time if you call them, (the first being the phone company, for some reason) their website was designed by the Marquis de Sade, and if you order on the phone or Internet, they charge you an outrageous fee to mail you a ticket, and if you buy on the Internet, they charge you a fee to email you the ticket so that you can print it out yourself. Basically, everything they do costs you money. Lots of it. And when the cost of each ticket is increasing faster than the boner that Paul Allen gets when he counts the money that they're making. They claim that they're not making much money, but somehow as ticket prices go up, so do the fees. It's not like the service charge costs more on more expensive tickets, but the fees vary widely with the cost of the ticket. So, their excuses are more bullshit to cover up the large bags of your cash that line Paul Allen's bed. They spend lots of money on lobbyists to keep Washington quiet, so unless we threaten open revolt, no one will do anything about it. So, how's your schedule for revolts?

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